IJustCan'tHandleTheseThoughts

I'm moving out the second I have a chance.
When I leave I will never look back, I will not miss it.
I won't even come back the day I leave.

Today proved nothing changes.
Tonight proved no matter how happy I am,
something will always go wrong and the happy will never out number the sadness.

I will not allow myself to throw everything away to become another statistic...I will not be another hormone hoped up teen who offs themselves. It's just not me. I just, I can't see anything happy at the moment. My father is the biggest jackass I know. He is a large child throwing a temper tantrum. He takes it all out on me. He doesn't seem to understand what he says and does I will never forget. I will never forget how he's treated me and just how unhappy I am. One day, he'll push me a little too far and everything he's ever said and done will either be pressed back in his face, or I will breakdown so badly even I don't know how far I'll go. Maybe I'll go stay with a couple friends for a few days, I can't handle this, even K can see how unhappy I am here. He's just trying to do his best, he knows I'm crying, he knows I'm upset, he knows it was dad who did it, he just doesn't want to intrude. He's a decent guy, I hope he gets a couple more breaks in life, he deserves them. I miss mom, but I know exactly why she left. He deserved it.

New Semesterr

Okay SO.
I am first going to say.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RILEY & STEPHIE. <3>

So next thing on the agendaaaa.

Today I was crazy happy because I, first of all, have Civics with Steph, which makes my life & Art with Michele (: . Then math with Jesha & English with Jesha/Aliya (: Woot.

Plus, I have two parties to go to on the 31sttt :D & I get to see Kat & Jerkface & Riley :D
Gah, but I still have to do work to get them their presents.

& I'm still sick. Blech.
Gahhh and I tried to figure out how to do chopstick hairstyles and it freaking FAILED. D:
I need to learn it.

Juliettt xo.

HeSaid,YourAmazing,SheSaid,ThenWhyYouWaiting?

Some new stuffs (:
I jsut finished a weekend of fun & tagging with the one and only Riley (:
Fun times. I'm still really tired though. Gah so excited for all the birthdays coming up (:

Tomorrow is St's and I got her a memory book, woooot. It took like 3 hours to make and I'm still not done xD.
The 31st is Rileys and C's.
[Edit: Again, censored for people taking the joking tone in the opposite way.]

Which leads me to, HOLY CRAP I AM SO HAPPY.
She's not leaving. (:
I knew she couldn't do it.
I'm just happy I get to keep my best friend for another couple YEARS.
(: (: (:

Then I am lead to,
Blech. Movies.
That night was so fucked up.
Idk, I just have no idea about anything anymore.
It was like, I had this whole plan and shit about my future and then all of a sudden a wind grabbed it and threw it into the ocean and I can't remember a single thing. I no longer have any idea where life is going or what to do next. I like the feeling of adventure and like, whatever but this is just kinda scary, not being sure whats next? Its just, kinda freaky.

Idk...

Much love,
Juliet xo.

Dear Autumn .

Yes, please do not eat me ?
That would be nice (:
I like kitties, so all is good :P Yeah, get your ass down here and actually I'm the one worrying? GEEZ. SHe called me every night for a week to check if I was okay. Then she was all, JENN, DON'T LEAVE TONIGHT... ALALLALAAALALLLAAL. I'm the one threatening to go outside at night into the forests while she's freaking out xD It's fun actually. *cough* Love you Rileyyyyyy. Yeah so, get your ass down here miss.

Blech. Today sucked ass. and now I have to be ready for f*ing vocal test tomorrow. I AM SO NOT READY. I also have history, won't that be fun? BLECH. I am ust about ready to fuckign rip out miss P's throat. She's being such a jerk to me lately, like honestly, she just keeps telling me I'm not good enough, I'm not this, I'm not that. Fuck that. I know I can do it if you stopped acting like such a priss. Just gimme a second to not be so f*ing nervous and I'd be fine. Like, FUCK.

Another Monday,

Blech. I hate mondays.
Like really. I hate them.
I had my vocal written exam and I think I did okay (:
I failed my history ISU which sucks, so much, BUT, I am totally ready for my Food exam tomorrow. Pfft, food is easy. Ahahahaha. Food was so jokes today. Go look at my FB and see the pictures from the Pictionary we played xD
Anyway, I have ATP tonight so I'll be sore, blech. I'm actually starting to wonder why T isn't working mondays anymore? Gah. C is being such a bitch. Ahaha. Omgsh. Sci is jokkkessss. I freaking lav J-Cubed. THey make my life. Oh and M, my total whore :D Oh yeah, it's C's birthday reallly soon. She's celebrating on the 31st-1st and St is celebrating that friday. Woot for party weekend !

Riley,
Call me. Asap. I miss you much.

Autumn,
Msg me sometime, we gotta talk (: I keep hearing about how great you are, and how afflicted to pants you ae. You sound fun :D

I'll Take You For Who You Are, If You'll Take Me For What I Am.

Welcome back.

It's time for the Juliet talks about her life blog, thanks for typing in :D

A Few ATMS: I a currently ...
Wearing: pajama pants, corlaxx's sweater, the tank st gave me and a shirt i bought with c and sa.
Listening to: The Veronicas - Mouth Shut
Talking to: E.
Eating/Ate: Fries and a Pepsi.
In: My room in my house. Yay laptops.
About to: Go to the Movies.

Blech, e still has my mp3. I wanna listen to my music. I miss it. Uhm. I have to send Riley her letter tonight. Yay snail mail ! :) I have my cell beside me which I think needs charging, but I'll listen to music from that. Yay, uhh, I miss you riley. I like that song you dedicated to me etc. I'm like obsessed with it for a while. xD Omgsh, I had tests all week and so far I have 2 93% and 1 80% for my vocal exams. Yay ! Oh and I got a 95% on a presentation. Wooooot, go me. I need to go straighten my hair so I should probably go do that now. I should also text T and make plans with him. We haven't hung out since New Years. I miss him too D:

Anyways, time to fix my crappy hair for S.

Much Love,
Juliet xo.

*ahem* RAWR. That is all.

I don't really know what to say today. I'm just really pissed off about corlaxx. She honestly has to just shut it sometimes. I swear, keep your fucking opinions to yourself. She made me what to friggin punch her out. She's telling people who I asked to join dragonboat, aka C, that they shouldn't join, that they are not going to do well, they won't make it to Prague and they will jsut be holding the team back. She also told C that apparently I don't do anything, I just show up at DB and not talk to anyone except T and I think I know it all. It was also implyed HEAVILY that I am just a waste of space on that team. Well, screw fucking you. I work harder than you. I am going to Prague, I will be a huge part of this team. I have alot of friends and people I talk to there and HEY guess what, I've decided to stop ignoring you, instead, I'll pretend you don't even EXIST. I'm jsut so tired of your bullshit and dads too. He's being such a prick, everything is my fault, lalalalalalala, like WHAT THE FUCK. Screw you and screw this. I'm so tired of this fucking bullshit with you. You jsut seem to decide it's not your problem, because NOTHING is your problem is it? FUCK. *exhales* There, much better.

Maintenent.

Omgsh. I think I spelt that horribly wrong. Whatever.

Holy geez. People are getting pissy so easily today.

Wow.I am so surprised at the kindness of strangers.
I mean, I was walking along, praying in the cold somebody would drive me to my bus stop.
And then guess what happened?
Outta the bue some lady DID stop and DID drive me to the bus stop.
I mean I relize getting some strangers car wasn't super smart but...
I was just like, well, this is some incredible stroke of luck,
I won't risk angering whatever made this happen.
So I took the ride, she was incredibly nice and she humbled me.
I think when I get older I'd love to do something like that for some poor kid who was just as cold as I was walking to my bus stop this freezing january morning. I know that never in a million years will she see this but, THANK YOU. Thank you so much, you don't really get how nice it was to have someone take the time out and help me. I'll remember this for a long time.

To Riley,
I don't care what you think. You are wearing that dress. You may be stubborn but you know I am wayyy worse than you are. Your screwed.
Much love, Juliet. xo.

Today. Today. Today.

Well.

It started out so crappy.
First, I wake up at 10:30.
Go downstairs freaking out because I should be at school doing my ISU presentation worth 5% of my grade. Like, fuck. Then I found out dad came in at 8:15 and didn't bother to wake me up. So I had to go to school and be there for 11. I had Mr. Thomas nearly kill me for not being there, handed him this fake note so I could do it tomorrow. I swear, he looked like he was gonna hit me.

Then, I have a ton of fun at Sci, talking to C'M'C who were all so jokes. We just made stupid jokes and went to C's house to work on the Sci project which, wasn't sooo fun but whatever[Edit, I'm sure they took this badly too, I just meant that the HOMEWORK wasn;t fun, but the chilling out was.]. We ended up watching this old family video of C's sister and her neighbour dancing around to backstreet boys. Con. was dancing around in swim trunks while her sis danced around in nothing but some bandaids. xD It was honestly hilarous.

Now I'm back at home, feeling kinda crappy and sorta tired. Everything hurts and I think I would honestly like to just not care about anything anymore, maybe flunk out, end up at home the rest of my life. THen the thought of being home the rest of my life shakes me outta it. That would be such hell. Anyways. I'm gonna go on FB for a while. Hangout and go to sleep early. Unless T signs on, we always end up talking for freaking hours, it's ridiculous.

Love Always,
Juliet. xo.

Blog Of The Day

Dearest S,

Oh, that would make sense, god I hope you aren't too badly beat up. I was so worried. Honestly, I'm glad your okay. Okay, so, am I back to being safe? Or is that just never going to happen? Enh, either way, I can deal.

- Juliet.

Omgsh. Vocal Jazz was so killer tonight. We went over skylark, which sapranos have a solo in, swheett. It was really fun to sing. I think I'm getting way better with music. Uhm we practiced over I've Got You Under My Skin which is a nice song too. I'm just glad it fits together so nicely. Uhm, then we went over Take Five which I'm starting to LOVE LOVE LOVE. It's really pretty and so jazzy. Aha, Krazy Kusurko made us practice our scats which was so amusing. I got better at them and way less nervous. Oh and then we finished off with Minuano which is just the prettiest thing I swear I've ever heard, so so so gorgeous, the runs the melody, everything is so pretty and now my personal favorite.

Gah I was on war path today, just, terrible mood. I feel bad i spazzed a little but I'm over tired, over worked, stressed out and really anoyed with the world. So, not such a great combo. I thik Mandy saved me from myself today so, that was good.

Oh god, I think I'm too... I can't find the word... Idk, I'm moving on and in the process finding I have a really weird pattern for who I end up liking. Gosh, but whatever he's a nice guy, I think we could geniunly get along.

Romeo's at my balcony so, bye for now (:

Juliet xo.

There is no way anyone is going to stumble upon this blog, so, just like S, I'm going to start posting it places. Leaving it grafittied etc. maybe it'll end up with a few more veiwers. Also like S, Any questions, problems, pictures anything really, I'll answer, etc. :) So, what are you waiting for, get commenting. :)

FirstBlogg.

[ Where Art Thou Romeo? ]

I've been spending most of my time with my bestfriend, who, i'm sure is reading this right now and saying 'Oh Oh Oh ! I know who she's talking about!' and probably shaking her fist at me saying 'Why didn't you credit me for the nickname you use on here? I made it up !' So here your credit, Thank you shawnnnaaaa <3.>www.postsecrecommunity.com/chat) It's a really amazing site where you can heard, read, submit and comment on secrets. I was given one of the books for my birthday/christmas, (they're ten days apart so I get 'together' gifts) and by now I'm sure if my other friend is reading this he's shaking his fist going 'I gave her that book, where's my credit?' So, thatnks tyler, you agve me an amazing xmas gift, it was exactly what I wanted. Anywho, it really like the website, so, check it out ><. Uhm, I had to present my ISU today and I have another one due on monday, which makes me feel depressed, theres only another week and a half of these courses and then I have finals. Ick. I'm gonna miss all the people I met in my Acdm. class. It's weird but they're closer with me than the kids in my gifty classes who i've known between 1 - 6 years longer. Whatever, I'll miss them, maybe not Mono-Tone Goble, but everyone else :). Geez, My friend Emily was right, this blog is actually sorta fun to write. Since this is my FIRST blog, I'd like to mention a few little things about me...

I absolutly hate being called my real name (in full)I am (only just) fifteen, figuring out my life and in gr. 10.I am 5'6 and brunette w/hazel eyes.I am into dragon boating/all the conditioning it come with (yoga!) which is a new thing for me :)I have a group of crazy, random, deep, intelligent, compassionate friends who are my world[Edit; Yeah, that would mean YOU GUYS but whatever.].I have 2 older brothers and live with my dad. I am the biggest music fanatic you'll ever meet, there's just so much out there. My idol is Beyonce, Marilyn Monroe & My older brother. My privacy is always invaded [Edit; I find this ironic now.Maybe it;s time I jsut leave every little thought I have IN my head. It's safer there even if that does mean I have a breakdown here and there] and everyone always finds out what I'm really thinking. Damnit. This is the first time I'm publishing my thoughts for people to actually read. Oh, I like lists xD

Thanks for listening, comment?